By Lolly Daskal
OPTIMISM and positivity are
beneficial to leadership in almost every circumstance. You won’t find many who
would dispute that thought.
We know the best kind of
leadership requires seeing the glass as half full.
We know that even in the most challenging times and difficult circumstances, it’s important to concentrate on what we have rather than what we lack.
We understand the
importance of gratitude – not just as a response when things are going
especially well but as a daily practice.
It’s not that happy people
are thankful, it’s that thankful people are happy.
We know positive thinking
and an optimistic attitude can actually change our reality for
the better. In the words of the old adage, “Think good, and it will be good.”
A daily practice of
gratitude and positivity can benefit you even when things get so bad that you
can’t see a good outcome or any seed of hope.
You can assure yourself
that, even if you can’t currently comprehend it, there’s a lesson or a stubborn
thread of grace in there somewhere.
There’s one situation,
however, when positivity and gratitude don’t work – when, in fact,
they can actually be destructive.
That’s when you try to
apply them to others.
It’s understandable, the
urge to apply something so helpful to someone who’s hurting. But however well
intended, it simply doesn’t work.
A distraught or grieving
colleague or client doesn’t want to hear “There must be something good
in your life to be grateful for.”
Or “It must have been meant
to be.” Or “I know you’re disappointed but things work out for the best.”
When someone is suffering,
it’s cruel to suggest that it’s all a lesson designed to make them a better
person.
And it’s downright arrogant
for us to tell them this is good for them, or that it’s the way it’s meant to
be.
Our job is not to philosophize
about another’s pain, but to alleviate, relieve and lessen it.
True leaders know that when
they see someone suffering, there’s only one acceptable response. They roll up
their sleeves and ask, ‘What can I do to help?
Here are some ways you can
be of service to someone who’s hurting:
* Listen. One
of the most important traits in leadership is the ability to listen. The best
leaders, the skillful ones, know the importance of listening more than they
speak.
It’s especially important
to listen to people who are trying to make sense of difficult events.
* Show support. If
someone’s going through a tough time, the most meaningful thing you can say
is I’m here for you.
Simple words, but when
they’re backed up with action they share a burden – and they reassure the
person that they’re not alone.
* Convey empathy. Adopting
a human approach to your leadership sets an example that helps you build an
entire culture of empathetic leaders.
People will admire your
approach and work harder for you knowing that you respect their personal
needs.
* Connect with caring. Gone
are the days when people expect leaders to sit behind a closed office door
and dictate from power.
The best leaders today get
to know their people on a personal level as well as professionally. They care,
and they show that caring by connecting, communicating and demonstrating
compassion.
* Lead from within: A
positive is not the best answer for every situation. As a leader, you need to
let each situation involving one of your people bring forth the best of what
you have to offer in the terms of how you listen, how you support, how you care
and how you connect.
Learn more about the
gaps that exist in positivity in my National Bestseller book:
‘The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness.’
After decades of coaching
powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders
rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits.
But in time, every
executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists.
Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
