Do You Have The Courage To Do The Things You Are Afraid Of?

By relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” – Nelson Mandela

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” – Muhammad Ali

“Success is never final and failure never fatal. It's courage that counts.” – George F. Tilton

THE WORD ‘courage’ always makes me think of the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz. I love that he does whatever he needs to do to free Dorothy.

His love for her is so strong that it overcomes his fear, and in taking brave actions on her behalf, he finds his courage.  

Do you have the courage you need to overcome your fears?

 Many years ago I worked with a man who been in the armed service as a parachute jumper. As part of his job, he would courageously jump into enemy territory.

Yet, when it came to feeling his feelings, he had no courage at all.

He was so terrified of his feelings that he lived his life numbed out, which made it impossible for his wife to connect with him.

He was working with me because his wife had said she would divorce him unless he opened his heart to her.

But, since love and pain are in the same place in the heart, to open to his love for her, he also had to open to his pain. And he was very scared to do that.

He said early in our work together that he would rather risk his life in enemy territory than risk getting emotionally hurt.

It took great courage for him to open to the deep pain that had been buried in him since he was a child.

Look inside and see what you have not had the courage to do:

* Do you hold back following your passion out of fear of failure?

* Are you relationship avoidant out of fear of engulfment – of feeling trapped?

* Do you keep yourself isolated for fear of rejection?

* Do you resist learning to love yourself out of fear you can’t do it?

* Do you procrastinate out of fear of being controlled?

* Do you avoid trying new things for fear of making a fool of yourself?

* Do you stay focused in your head rather than in your body, or numb out with addictions out of fear of getting hurt?

* Do you stay stuck in a job you dislike out of fear of failure?

* Do you stay stuck in an unloving relationship out of the fear of being alone?

* Do you avoid personal growth out of fear of finding out something about yourself that you don't like?

* Do you avoid opening to a spiritual source of love and guidance for fear of finding out that nothing is there, or that nothing is there for you?

* Do you avoid speaking up for fear of being wrong and being rejected?

* Do you keep yourself limited for fear of making mistakes?

Other ______________________________________________________

There is no doubt that it takes courage to risk making mistakes, or failing, or getting hurt, or losing yourself.

It takes huge courage to risk opening your heart and loving. One of my favorite quotes is this one by C.S. Lewis from The Four Loves:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.

“If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.

“Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

“But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

“The alternative to tragedy – or at least to the risk of tragedy – is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

It doesn't take courage to do the easy stuff – the stuff that doesn't scare us. It takes courage to do what it is what we are afraid of, and that’s what brings joy to life.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness”.

She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now!

Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9036424

Conquering Procrastination

By life coach Joshua Howard

TWO similar questions many people often ask me are "Why do I procrastinate?" or "Why can't I stop procrastinating?"

The answer is far simpler and far more complex than you may think at first - it sounds counter-intuitive, but you procrastinate in order to get something.

Pic courtesy of brainyquote.com

This something is usually a major emotional benefit like avoiding pain, failure, rejection.

Luckily though, you can figure out why you do something and get a better idea of your real motivation.

Psychologists call this a secondary benefit. So, to figure out why you procrastinate, ask yourself what you get out of it.

What is the point of procrastinating for you? What good does it do you to put your projects off? Do you enjoy the stress of impending deadlines? Do you fear imperfection?

Many people waste time by focusing on perfection. However, perfection is an illusion (particularly if you've never done something before..... how do you even know what 'perfect' is?!?).

If you have this problem, focus on 'good enough'. Create the item 'good enough' and then begin to tweak it if necessary.

More often than not, perfectionism is a veiled form of procrastination, wherein people try to make things perfect in order to never get rejected.

But face facts: when you deal with others, you're going to get rejected by some of them - and that's GOOD!

What? Yes, contrary to popular opinion, you want to be rejected. Why?

So that people who don't like you go away quickly and so that if you're being rejected by everyone, you can use the data to figure out why people are rejecting you.

Another major reason people procrastination is that they fear failure because they equate failure with pain.

And while it's true that it's a little jarring to fail, failure is not a painful experience at all. If anything it's a calibration.

Far too many people get caught up in this idea that you can try for a goal and then succeed or fail.

However, it doesn't work like that. There is no 'either/or' in the world unless failure at your goal means death.

But since you're probably not trying to do something like jump the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle, you'll probably be fine.

So, rather than think about the possibility of pain from failure, consider that trying is a way to get one step closer to your goal by learning a way that either works or doesn't.....

..... both of which are good sources of information.

By the way, would you like to learn more about productivity, change, and time management? If so, download my free ebook "How to Manage Your Life and Time".

(And I'll let you in on a big hint: productivity has very little to do with time management strategies and everything to do with how you conceive of and use your time every moment of every day... )

Joshua Howard is life coach who specializes in law of attraction, NLP, and DHE.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7675304

3 Simple Ways To Combat Fear Of Failure

By Dr. Lin Wilder

EACH of us falls victim to it; there are no exceptions. Think for just a moment about the very long list - beginning with the most perfect man ever born.

This post is not intended to make light of the debilitating effects of fear and of anxiety; rather to suggest some old fashioned methods of dealing with the natural consequences of taking risks with our jobs, careers and reputations.

Fear is real. When taken over by fear, our reactions vary. But frequently, we freeze, just like a deer caught in our headlights, because she has been blinded by the intense glare of the light. She stands immobile, seemingly waiting to be killed.

The process in us is not all that different from that deer and the most common response to that surge of neurochemicals - which cause hearts to race, throats to constrict and dry, pupils to widen, breathing to accelerate and stomach acid to pour into our gut - is panic so severe that we behave just like that deer in the headlights; paralysis takes over, for an instant or for a lifetime.

1. The very first step in mitigating our fear is to recognize it.

Admit it to ourselves, perhaps to another, if talking it out will help. It's essential, I have learned, to select very carefully those whom we decide to trust when these moments of bone shattering anxiety and terror hit.

In this medicalized culture we live in, all too often, we take our fears to a professional who, more often than not, prescribes a psychoactive drug. Will the drug deal with the fear?

Will the drug help us understand what is causing it, will the drug cure us of the fear?

No, no and no.

What the drug will do is to alter our thinking ability, diminish our awareness and slow our responses. And after a period of time, begin an addiction to the drug.

Be careful taking those things that are prescribed by a well meaning doctor - they can do harm.

2. Once we have admitted the fear, invite it to take a chair in our mind so that we can ponder what lies beneath it. Admittedly this sounds a bit Zen, but it's important.

Here is why: we need to isolate the fear - pin it down and decide exactly what we are afraid of... is it embarrassment, loss of job, customer or career? Or is it failing an exam or failing in our new business?

Or is it one of the biggest ones: fear of what other people say. What will they think?

3. And then act - take action.

Most combat veterans will tell you that he or she is always terrified before the mission. As the rest of us are before an exam or before a speech.

Once we have dug down deep to identify what our real fear is, then we can take the steps to provide the best chance of success whether it is to study, get to work on that article or book, getting started is the very best antidote to fear of failure.

It is amazing how quickly the apprehension dissipates and excitement takes over.

Over and over, we read and see that most of us regret not what we did even if we failed but what we did not do: Don't join them.

Dr Lin Wilder

Lin Wilder, Dr PH is a former hospital director; now full-time internet marketer, trainer and author.

If you liked this article, Lin suggests her latest E-Book, now available at Amazon.

Go here: http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Starting-Business-The-Fundamentals-ebook/dp/B00D5FOLNY

Lin can be contacted at lin@linwilder.com. Her website is lleads.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8251156

Why Fearlessness Is More Important Than Confidence

By Stephen Guise

WE are our best selves when we are confident.

Some of the benefits of confidence are the ability to be yourself, possessing greater courage, speaking your mind, feeling good about yourself, staying calm despite unfavorable circumstances, and having greater appeal as a friend or a mate. But there is one thing that’s even stronger than confidence. Fearlessness.

Why Fearlessness Is So Powerful

Fearlessness and confidence are related. If you don’t fear anything, you will naturally be confident, because a lack of confidence is primarily caused by fear of rejection, danger, or failure.

So you could say that confidence is a by-product of fearlessness.

Fearlessness enables people to do unbelievable things like climb skyscrapers, launch their body across the goal line (in football), and most importantly, boldly live their ideal life!

Most people wanting to be more confident will aim directly for confidence, but I think they could have better success by aiming for fearlessness. In many ways, it’s a more direct approach to being more confident.

When you try to be confident, you’re attempting to build yourself higher than your fears in an “I can do this” kind of way.

How Fearlessness Becomes Confidence

Imagine you see an attractive person and want to talk to him/her, but you aren’t confident enough. To try to gain confidence at this point is going to be very difficult.

Confidence comes from within, so it takes time to improve your baseline confidence. Though there are some in-the-moment strategies like confident body language that can physiologically increase your confidence.

But what if you attempted to conquer your fears as a way to become more confident?

Once you identify your fears, you can find some weaknesses in their “armor.”

First, you’d address your fear of rejection: The person might respond negatively to you. If you ask him/her out, they might say no. He/she could laugh at you and embarrass you. Ack!

However, these rejection scenarios are only scary or embarrassing for like 5 seconds. Can’t you handle that as a worst case scenario? Are you going to let yourself be scared of 5 seconds of awkwardness or discomfort?

This applies to any possible rejection scenario, from asking for a raise, to asking for a job, to asking for a girl’s number.

Second, you’d address the fear of failure. The fear of failure is a level above the fear of rejection, and involves longer term evaluation of what the rejection means.

You might feel that this one instance of rejection is representative of your general relationship with the opposite sex.

You might feel like this person is the ambassador for their gender, and if they vote you out, then all hope is lost. I’ve had this fear before.

The fear of failure can be dissolved with some logic. There are 7 billion people on earth and every single one of us has different tastes and preferences.

If you’re a good and honest person, then most people are going to at least like you as a friend. People tend to be irrationally scared of approaching strangers.

The logic is that any single case of rejection is just that – a single instance. If you’re willing to keep trying, you’ll find success.

Jia Jiang decided to experience 100 days of rejection to conquer his fears. And he found that most people were nice and receptive to him (a complete stranger), but not all.

What if he tried once, got rejected, and assumed that everyone would be that way? He would have held on to false beliefs.

In statistics, the sample size is very important. The lower the sample size, the less reliable the data. Why can’t we see that this is true for our lives as well?

And why can’t we see that for most things, all it takes is ONE successful result – for marriage, in business, and even investing.

Investing in Apple stock in the year 2000 would be enough to overcome the collapse of the rest of your portfolio, as it has increased 80-fold since then!

What Happens When You Remove Fear

When you remove fear, confidence tends to emerge. Confidence is believing in a positive result, while fear is worrying about the potential of a negative result.

Once fear of a negative result is gone, it’s easier to believe in a positive result (ie be confident). Fearlessness means nothing is holding you back.

100% fearlessness isn’t healthy though. The L.A. Times interviewed Michael P. Ghiglieri about deaths in the Grand Canyon, and here was one Q&A that shows the consequences of careless fearlessness.

LA Times: Is it true that somebody once fell to his death in the canyon because he slipped while pretending to fall to his death? 

Ghiglieri: Sad to say this is true. In 1992, 38-year-old Greg Austin Gingrich leaped atop the guard wall and wind-milled his arms, playing-acting losing his balance to scare his teenaged daughter. 

Then he comically “fell” off the wall on the canyon side onto a short slope where he assumed he could land safely. 

As his daughter walked on, trying not to fuel her father’s dangerous antics by paying attention to them, Gingrich missed his footing and fell silently about 400 feet into the void. 

It took rangers quite a while to locate his body — and to determine that his daughter was an orphan only due to his foolishness. (Source)

The key in life seems to be knowing which fears are healthy and helpful to have (a fear of heights isn’t such a bad thing to have) and which fears simply hold you back (asking a question, trying something new, being embarrassed).

Some people’s fear is so crippling that they can’t function normally. Others die because they don’t have enough fear. As with many things, balance is ideal.

Be fearful of things that are worthy of your fear, but don’t ever let the word “no” scare you. Don’t ever let it hold you back from pursuing opportunities.


Opportunities only pay off if you’re willing to take them, which you can do by losing your fear and picking up confidence.

The next time you’re struggling with confidence, think about what you’re most afraid of, and attack that root. Then you can move forward!

Article source: http://tiny.cc/c6h28w

7 Fears Most Likely Sabotaging Your Dreams & How to Deal With Them

By The Personal Freedom Project

LET'S jump straight into this one.

1. Failure

Fear of failure stops you from doing the thing you really want to do, procrastinating and keeping yourself doing everything else except the thing you really want to do or NEED to.

I know because sometimes I do it too. (Yes I’m human.) Get over it by:

* Remembering why you wanted to do what you're doing in the first place

* Setting mini-targets

* Asking – What’s the worst case scenario?

* Positive Thinking 

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

 

2.  What others might think or say

In my opinion there are 2 sides to this, you may not agree with me:

* First – no-one cares what you do because they are too worried about their own fears to worry about you. (Not always but mostly)

* Second – someone will always have something negative to say, based on their own fears, that really never has anything to do with you!

* Third – I know I said 2 sides but here’s something else you need to know - you limit yourself by worrying what ‘others’ think.

Heck everyone might just be happy that you decided to do something that you really want to!

Yes, the haters will still be there. Do it anyway. Give them something to say. They’ll think what they want, in any case.

 

3. Accomplishing goals & dreams

If you're fearful about being successful you are not alone. This is one of the obstacles that holds many others back from taking action. How to get past this:

* Find your purpose. Find people who have already accomplished what you want to do – join groups, forums and build up a network so you can get support. Have you joined my Facebook community yet? AND liked the page?

* Inspirational, kick-butt-into-action materials – like positive thinking books, audios or videos.

* Develop the skills required for you to accomplish your goals by taking courses and reading books.

 

4. Fear of rejection

We all fear being rejected and this has probably come from past experiences mixed with the fear of the unknown. You don’t think you're good enough, mixed with what others will think.

It's going to happen at some point. Accept it and embrace it so that if and when it happens you can get up and move on.

To do this, have your goals in place, so if you are rejected you remember what you went after - what you wanted in the first place. You can get up and keep moving forward.

Visualize how you want things to be, then take action.

 

5. Making mistakes

Mistakes help you learn lessons that help you make better choices next time. Mistakes are there to help you. As harsh as that may sound, we all make mistakes.

It's how you respond to them that makes the difference. If you're held back by making mistakes, realize it's part of your learning journey. Listen to what ‘feels’ like the right thing to do… then do it!

 

6. Fear of the unknown

Our accomplishment at anything requires that we step into the unknown. Things don’t always go as planned and they’re not supposed to. As I’ve heard it quoted before “replace fear of the unknown with curiosity.” 

I’ve tried it too and it helps, when you're afraid to take action because you don’t know what the outcome will be. What will happen when you take that next step? What will happen if you don’t?

 

7. Change of career or (anything else for that matter)

OK, so you love your current job but want to become a writer, guitar player or, heck, you just want to own your own property empire.

Because your family matters. Right?

You and your sanity matter. Right?

And when you find your purpose, you will want to start something new.

 

Questions to ask yourself to get you over your fear of starting something new:

* Am I scared to fail?

* Am I afraid of what others might think or say?

* Am I scared of making a success of it?

* Will others reject me?

* Am I scared to take the next step?

* Or am I letting the fear off the unknown stop me?

If there are any ‘yes’ answers here, you might want to read what I previously wrote above for each ‘yes’.

 

Pain vs Fear

The pain of staying where you are in your current circumstances has got to be greater than fear of moving forward! That’s when the magic happens.

 

Time

As for time and being committed to your ultimate destination, yes I know you're limited to a certain amount of hours each day. You work, have kids, chores to get done and so many other things going on'

But taking some steps each day towards the bigger picture - the lifestyle and the freedom - will be absolutely worth it in the end! Small steps count too.

Action

You must adopt a new habit of doing things in your life, even if you don’t feel like doing what will lead you to where you want to go.

But it’s going to take work – good purposeful, meaningful work and planning that you will enjoy and whenever you see results you will feel a sense of deep satisfaction. Your life is short. Too short.

 

Now feel the fear and do it anyway.

Article source: http://tiny.cc/7Fears

Dare To Dream – with Debbi Dachinger

Posted by John Lee of YourBestYouEver.net

IF there's one quality that encourages you to listen to a speaker on a particular subject, it's enthusiasm.

And one person who has it in abundance is best-selling author, goal-achievement expert and radio show host, Debbi Dachinger.

I have to admit that I hadn't previously come across any of the books penned by Debbi, whose show is entitled, 'Dare To Dream'.

But she has some wonderful insights to share regarding goal-setting and achieving, the Law of Attraction, and so on.

In this very lively video interview with Mind Movies' Natalie Ledwell, she talks with real passion about these and other subjects.

Notably, she gives some invaluable advice on dealing with fear, fear of failure and truly harnessing your own personal power.

Check it out. It's well worth a look. Simply click on the link below to be taken to the original recording.

http://tiny.cc/s34a7w

Three Invisible Forces That Hold You Back

By Douglas R Kruger

You are not separated from your goals by a number of years. You are separated from your goals by a number of actions.

We like to speak about our five-year plans and 10-year plans, and it's good that we have them. But thinking in terms of years creates the illusion that your dreams will happen one way or another, provided sufficient time goes by.

Thinking in terms of actions is very different. It hands responsibility back to us, with the implication: You can have it as soon as you do it.

Doubt and fear should never hold you back

 If you are of the 'one day I will start my company / climb the mountain / follow my dreams' persuasion, how about trying a different approach?

Break your goal down into its smallest parts, until you are able to find a logical starting point. That will be Step One. Now go ahead and take it.

Typically, there are three invisible forces that hold us back from ever trying. Here's why they shouldn't stop you:

1. FEAR

The stomach of the average human being is a bubbling cauldron of emotional responses. We fear failing, we fear succeeding, we fear standing out and being laughed at.

What's odd is that we don't simply realize that everyone feels this way, and choose to act despite the fear.

The next time this great slayer of dreams - fear - casts its shadow over your goal, consider this: The more willing you are to take strategic risks, the more safe you will ultimately be.

Why? Because a person who never risks anything never gains anything.

The person who risks often, occasionally surprises themselves by succeeding. And the more small successes you have, the greater your total security.

Becoming comfortable with a culture of strategic risk-taking ultimately creates a safer life. More risk = more security.

2. THOUGHT-CULTURE

You are likely to be about as successful, about as wealthy, and about as willing to take risks as the average of the five people closest to you. So, how driven are they?

These people form the thought-culture in which you live. They will encourage or discourage you according to their own view of the world.

If they dream big and understand what is possible, chances are they will lift you up and prompt you to try. If they are small-minded, negative and pessimistic, the reverse will apply.

Sometimes, in order to achieve great things, our first step must be to leave the thought-swamp that surrounds us. We need to go where the energy is, and be surrounded by the right type of thinking.

We don't have to start off by having all the answers. We simply need to go where the energy is, and meet the people who do have the answers.

3. COMFORT

Curiously, comfort poses a greater risk to our dreams of achievement than the first two invisible forces. A terrified, desperate person may still summon their courage, steel their will and try.

A comfortable person whose needs are met will generally watch TV instead. It's true; the enemy of 'Great' really is 'Good Enough.'

Sometimes, we need to create intentional discomfort by comparing our current progress to that of people we admire.

For example, an amateur bodybuilder might be perfectly happy with his mediocre progress... until he compares himself to multiple Mr Olympia winner, Jay Cutler.

Then the sense of satisfaction disappears, and the more useful sense of yearning and desire is re-ignited.

Yes, we do need to be uncomfortable. We need to be sufficiently dissatisfied that we generate the energy to act. The more actions we take, the closer we come to our goals.

It's not about years. It's about actions. Don't let the ghosts in your head stop you from trying.

Douglas Kruger is a professional speaker and the author of three books. Meet him at http://www.douglaskruger.co.za. Email him at kruger@compute.co.za.

Follow him on LinkedIn or Twitter: @douglaskruger.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Douglas_R_Kruger

How Strength Out of Weakness Works

By Steve Wickham

Having recently dealt with a day when numerous examples of other people's irresponsibility impacted on me, directly, I lamented how other people's concerns had become my responsibility. Yet other people's obligations can only become our responsibility if we accept them. Part of the problem was mine. I felt weary, neglected, and somewhat angry.

It's amazing what exercise does. A 30-minute sprint on the bike, up hills and into a headwind, and I was sorted. No longer did I feel weak; strength was mine in abundance, and peace.

I had no problems to solve. All I had were opportunities, as the strain-value of the past day's woes vanished in significance. Then I was reminded of the strength we gain from God as we recover from our weaknesses.

Then I discovered, afresh, that not only does peace return with strength, but the ability to see right as well. Our perspective is fixed. The prayer above protects our strength. As strength provides peace and righteousness, both peace and righteousness support strength.

With strength comes peace

When Weakness Facilitates Strength

I am mindful of the paradox that avails itself upon us within our weakness. When we are weak we feel weak, but we may never be closer to strength. Weakness facilitates strength. It takes us down to an entirely unacceptable position and from there we have little choice, if we have a strong enough self-interest, but to claw our way out in our resilience.

Nietzsche coined the quote, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger," and he highlighted a truth so compelling it works in every situation we apply it to.

The strange reality of weakness, which is something we don't see in our weakness, and we can only see by faith, is the emergent strength coming, when we can begin to see the truth again, is of a stronger proof than the previous strength. This new strength comes with a punch about it. This new strength compels us to compete. It gives us fresh reason to try. And by this strength we can see the importance of rallying for the purpose at hand.

***
There is strength available with immediacy out of weakness. Strength out of weakness is stronger than normal strength. It is a recovered strength. It is a strength that is formidable because it knows no reason for fear of failure. This strength, like our salvation, is mighty to save.

Strength out of weakness is stronger strength than normal because there is peace and right sight. This strength inspires a fresh confidence because we overcame the weakness. If weakness cannot overcome us, what can?

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min).

His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Wickham