How to Improve Willpower

By Dr. Jaime Kulaga

WILLPOWER is the ability to control yourself. Willpower is a certain level of inner strength. It can be associated with determination or even motivation.

Willpower is what you use when you want to go out with friends but don't so that you can study. 

How strong is YOUR willpower? (Pic by freedigitalphotos.net)

Willpower is what you use when you choose not to pick up a cigarette when you are trying to stop smoking. Willpower is how much power you have over yourself.

Take a moment to reflect on what aspects of your life you maintain strong willpower in. Now, take a moment to reflect on aspects of your life in which you have limited willpower.

Why do you think that is? What about this area of your life are you not as strong, determined, motivated or in control?

Here are a few ways that you can begin to increase your willpower in those areas.

Three ways to Improve your Willpower

1. Take personal responsibility

By placing ownership for things we are not coming through on, on something or someone else, we give the control over our decisions where it should not be going.

Willpower requires control of yourself. If you are handing it over to another person or thing, you will never have enough willpower to change or complete what you are trying to do.

Tip: Begin increasing willpower by taking full responsibility for decisions and actions that you take. In return you will see both your willpower and discipline rise.

2. Watch your Self-Talk

By watching how you talk to yourself as you make decisions, you are reinforcing your personal responsibility and freedom as a person.

Just as important, the way you talk to yourself has an influence over your confidence and inner strength. When you lack confidence and inner strength, you will notice your willpower goes down.

If you are consistently talking down to yourself, you decrease the level of key factors that can boost your willpower.

The stronger you feel about yourself, the more inner strength you will have to make decisions that are in your best interest.

Tip: Increase willpower by talking kindly to yourself.

3. Define your Purpose

In business you have to have a 3 and 5 year plan. Why? Because it gives you and those around you a direction and a vision.

You must have a purpose in each choice that you make for your company so that it moves in the direction of your goals. You need this same plan in life.

Create weekly, monthly and yearly goals or plans for yourself, and put them in a place where you can see these goals each day.

Then, each time you make a choice, be sure that it is in line with your purpose and direction.

If you know why you are here in this world and if you understand where you desire to go, then your willpower and control over your choices will be stronger.

Tip: Take time to reflect on your purpose in life. Create goals and plans for your future and take these into account with each decision you make.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a licensed mental health counselor and motivational speaker.

She is the author of. "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance".

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally-known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8994488

Why Your Limitations Really Hold You Back

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

SOMETIMES, as life passes us by, we reflect on where we are and think about how we wish things were different. It is not only life that we wish was different, but our self too.

Maybe there are certain physical or mental aspects about you that hold you back. Some people have lost limbs (physical) where others battle Bi-Polar disorder, low self-esteem, or ADHD (mental). 

Free yourself from your limitations

But dwelling on all your limitations will prove to the world and yourself, that they are in fact limitations.

You will quickly find yourself in a very negative cycle. In fact, this negative cycle of thought not only reduces your self-confidence, but also the confidence that other people have in you.

Take a moment to think about being in a job interview. Would you sit there and spend your 45 minutes of interview time letting the interviewer know all of your limitations?

Why not? Answer this yourself.

If your answer was something along the lines of, "Because they wouldn't give me the job," then you get why you can't focus on your limitations when going about your day-to-day life.

Forty five minutes of dwelling on your limitations could really hinder you from having the life you wished for.

On another note, some people dwell on their limitations and share them with the world because they don't want others to hold them so accountable or don't want others to expect too much from them in case they can't come through.

This lack of confidence is hindering a life of happiness. Instead of people expecting a lot from them, people pity them.

And, while being pitied here and there might feel good, being pitied all the time just confirms to our mind that even others agree that our limitations hold us back.

As we focus on what we don't have the ability to do, we unconsciously create a self-fulfilling prophecy regarding how our limitations deter us from moving forward.

Consequently we don't live the life we wish we had. The reality is there are millions of people with mental and physical illnesses or pains living every day as if it were their dream.

They are achieving goals and climbing mountains. Instead of dwelling on your limitations, you must accept them and create a "work around".

Just as you find ways to work around other barriers that rise up in life, you must create one for what you perceive are your limitations, too.

This week's goal: Begin switching focus on what you do have to work with in life as opposed to what you don't have.

And begin your "work around" for your limitation in order to live the life you wish for.

__________

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker.

She is the author of "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance."

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8978060

Letting Go, Today

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

UNFORTUNATELY, as we continue on this journey in life, we have to leave the fairy tale endings to Disney.

Sometimes the bad guy does win, the cheater ends up marrying his beautiful mistress and your worst fear does in fact happen.

Pic courtesy of www.quoteeveryday.com

Since this is life and we can't realistically turn to Disney for the happy endings, we need to let things go and take control over what we can control, our actions and reactions.

Letting go isn't easy. Even in a brief moment of frustration with a partner, letting go can be tough if you are trying to prove a point.

But, when we have to let things go that are fueled by a human's strongest emotions, that is when marching on becomes one of the hardest things to do.

Anger, love and fear are some of the most powerful emotions a person can have.

If love can lead to an entire life of fulfillment (happiness, health, true partner), and anger could lead to death (violence and murders), with such extremes, how can we let things go in the midst of our emotions ruling us?

Here are 3 tips that you can implement to help you Let Go, Today:

1. Challenge fear

Often when we let go of the past we are actually letting go of comfort. I understand that anger, fear, pain, and a loss are not comfortable like your couch.

But the body is used to acting, reacting and thinking in one certain way. It is easy to be the same way; it takes energy and effort to change.

Your mind wants to keep on in a direction that is familiar with, even though it knows it is not necessarily good.

Fear creeps up in your mind. Fear lets you know that if you let go of what is holding you to the past, you might not have a good future.

We fill the unpredictable holes of our future with fear, not joy. I suppose the truth is, your future is not guaranteed and definitely could end up not in your favor.

Fear tricks you into thinking that it is better to stay "as is" than move forward because of this unpredictability.

But the reality also is if you are struggling to let go of something, you aren't in a place you want to be anyway right now. So, take the leap and let go.

And, if one reason you are not letting go is for the fact that fear is telling you a "what if" story that is no excuse either.

Often, fear keeps you miserable because it convinces you "what if things get better?" "What if she/he changes?" "What if next go around, I get the promotion?"

Instead, challenge fear and say "what if I leave and things go great for me?" "What if I let go and am finally happy?"

The outlook is much better for your future than your past because you can create the future, you can't change the past.

Living in consistent anger or fear destroys opportunities that come your way and ensures that your peace within is crushed. Prove fear wrong and challenge it.

Try letting go and begin to embrace your future. Hold onto your future like you currently are holding on to your past. What you are currently doing is not working, so shift your actions elsewhere.

Make goals for what your body, mind and spirit needs and focus on that this week.

If it makes you feel better to make a list of all your fears and pains and set it aside for the week to come back to next week, do that.

Let it go for one week and next week decide whether or not you want to come back to the list of pains or continue on your new path.

2. Don't let anger control you

Literally see anger as a person that you are arm wrestling. When anger is consuming your decisions and taking away your happiness, think of him as pushing down harder on your arm. Fight back.

No one controls you, no emotions control you. Take back the power and slam anger to the table.

If anger encourages you to seek revenge, feel jealousy or become greedy he is pushing your hand further toward the table.

Play him back by hitting the gym, doing something good for you, or moving your life forward. Don't lose this battle.

3. Rid of the physical pain

If you have pain within you, chances are it might also be around you. This week begin ridding of the physical pain - and by this I mean items that are reminders of a negative past.

It is not easy to rid yourself of physical items that remind you of pain, but neither is waking up looking at everything that reminds you of this pain (which in turn elicits rage, anger or torment within you).

It is not fair that you have to start each day or week being reminded of hurtful things. Stepping your foot into the week with anger, fears or frustration puts you behind from the get go.

If you have managed to rid of a person who hurt you, don't let them linger around in symbols all day. Finalize the last chapter and start a new one. Will it be easy to physically let go of items?

Absolutely not. Whether your mind tells you or not, you have the strength to move forward.

Got pictures? Toss them. If you can't toss them for whatever reason, please don't have them sitting in 8 X 10 frames over the fireplace mantel for God's sake!

Put them in a box and lock them away. If you have children, and they want certain photos out, explain to them your pain and allow them to put a couple photos in their room away from you.

If there are certain clothes that remind you of painful events, donate them. You can buy more. If there are certain rooms that remind you of anger or pain, rearrange the room.

Purchase new items for the room or hang up inspirational photos/paintings in that room. Whatever you do, this week, physically downsize your pain or anger.

When you ground yourself to the past, you are stuck there. This means that you are literally making your future, your past.

Instead, this week, your goal is to select one of the tips from above and begin "Letting it Go, Today" and start creating a future that is anything but your past.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Certified Life Coach, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker.

She is the author of the upcoming book "The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance," to be published in March 2015.

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops. Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8803061

Are You the Victim or the Villain?

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

DO you ever hear yourself saying, "It's not my fault."? This is the Victim playing its part. Or, do you ever hear yourself saying, "It's all your fault."? This is the Villain in action.

The more responsibility you take over your actions - even the ones you are not proud of - the more control over your own life and outcomes you will have.

Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler (2002) talk about the Victim and Villain roles in their book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Depending on what context you are in, you may play different roles.

For example, in your marriage you may play the Villain role where you are consistently assuming that your partner has bad motives for their actions.

For instance, if you promised to pick up something after work and forgot and you get home and your spouse asks you for XYZ, if your reaction is "You never understand how busy I am!

"You don't care about what I do and how stressed out I am! You are so inconsiderate and not helpful," you have used the Villain role.

The reality is, you promised to pick up XYZ after work. I understand that you are stressed but you made a commitment.

If you didn't come through, fine, but you can't turn someone else into the problem because you didn't commit as promised.

Instead, acknowledge that you forgot, were wrong, etc., and then step back and assess how you can approach the fact that you need more support.

Also, as you step back instead of lashing out, take this time to assess your priorities and life roles.

Maybe there are areas that you need to cut back in life because of the choices you made, the boundaries you did not set, or the times you said "yes" to tasks that you know you shouldn't have taken on.

This may have nothing to do with your spouse. Take control of your life by avoiding using the Villain role.

Perhaps outside of the home you are the Victim.

According to Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler (2002), when you play the Victim role you are exaggerating your own innocence.

For example, in the workplace you come to find out that you were again passed up for a promotion.

You have been at this place of employment for three years and you feel you deserve it over Adam who just received a promotion after being with the company for only nine months.

However, in this deceiving Victim role you play so well, as you tell other people about your "tragedy," you leave out details that might discredit your Victim role.

For example, the fact that you are late at least two times per week, you dropped the ball on a major project that your boss gave you last month, and you are the office drama and gossip...

... not to mention that you use every sick day you have as soon as you earn it. It is obvious why you did not get the promotion.

But instead, you tell everyone only facts that support and highlight why you should have received the promotion and "forget" to tell everything else.

Instead of putting yourself in a helpless Victim role, take this time to complete an honest self-reflection and start looking at yourself through a different lens.

What can you improve on? What strengths do you have? How can you take responsibility and control over your life to start aligning more in a direction of fulfillment and better outcomes?

Take control of your life by avoiding using the Victim role.

The problem with the Victim and Villain roles is that you are taking personal control away from your life and passing it to someone else.

At the same time, you are also ruining relationships with spouses, family co-workers and bosses.

Instead of retreating from a situation to think about how you should approach a mistake you or someone else made, you are reacting first.

This shows lack of self-control as you are letting strong emotions control you. Remember the order of action when you are upset is to first Retreat, then Rethink and always last, React.

So, which are you, the Victim or the Villain? When are you the Victim? When are you the Villain?

This week take time to reflect on which roles you play most often and when. How can you take control back and kick both the Victim and the Villain to the curb?

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is the author of Type "Superwoman: Finding the LIFE in Work-Life Balance - A Self-Searching Book for Women". She is the inspirational founder of the SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured in Forbes, The Chicago Tribune, Glamour, Self and Prevention magazines as well as the show Daytime for her expertise in Work-Life Balance.

For more information, visit http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8783681

Past, Present or Future: Where Should I Focus My Attention?

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

Past

SHOULD you really focus on the past? Hasn't the thought always been to look forward and not at all the negativity behind you?

The past is where pain, grudges and anger dwell. However, the past also holds successes and failures, both of which constitute as learning lessons for the present.

Past, present or future: where do you spend your time?

If you were just handed a project at work, and are not sure how to tackle it, look at the past. Reflect on times when you succeeded or failed on projects, and figure out why.

Play off your strengths and avoid barriers that you might have encountered in the past to help you in the now.

The goal here is to use the past as a tool for helping you be more productive and successful in the present and future.

In your personal life, if you are dating, look at past partners and some of the red flags that may have caused a relationship to go sour.

While selecting partners in the present, be sure to avoid those red flags to help make the new relationship more beneficial.

Future

Focusing on the future is a good thing. When you have a vision, you have a strong outlook on life for both the future and the present.

A vision will motivate you and your family or business forward. I agree, you should plan for the fact that you might be here tomorrow, next month, next year, and hopefully decades to come.

But, thinking too much about the future can also lead to burnout. When you focus too much in the future, you forget to celebrate your achievements today.

You might begin to notice that you are skipping out on opportunities with friends and family in the present. Life is a lot of work, but it is also a lot of enjoyment.

By living primarily in the future, you will find that you are always working and not living. Be sure to watch your children grow, feel your partner's touch and enjoy the warm heat on your skin.

Although you should plan for tomorrow, you can't forget that you are here today. What you do in the present impacts the years ahead. Yesterday, you planned for today, so enjoy it.

Present

Focusing on the here and now comes from your ability to balance work and life and also to stop and center to give your attention to the moment.

Whether you are on a date with your partner, watching a movie with your child, or at the office working, make sure that you are actually there - at that moment.

The more focus you give to your tasks at hand the quicker they will be done or the more you will enjoy them. If you are working on a project at work, work on it. Don't work on social media or check emails.

Rather, give your attention to the project at hand so that you complete it right the first time, and so that you complete it more quickly than if you were distracted 20 times over.

If you are with your partner at dinner, be with your partner at dinner.

This is not the time to create a list of "to-do's" for the week, argue about what they did wrong, or check your phone over and over again.

It doesn't matter if you have nothing to talk about, sit in silence before you give your attention to something else making your partner take second place.

Rule of Thumb

Continuously observe what is going on in the now (present) to see if you can find an opportunity to grow (future).

Once you have highlighted the opportunity for growth look at previous successes and failures (past) to help you begin to move forward.

This way of thinking helps you to be mindful of the present and what possibilities and opportunities surround you each minute of the day.

But it also keeps you learning from the past while simultaneously moving forward.

Today, enjoy your past, present and future.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is the author of Type "Superwoman: Finding the LIFE in Work-Life Balance - A Self-Searching Book for Women".

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured in Forbes, Glamour, Self and Prevention magazines as well as the national show Daytime for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/8664917

Tools To Make Your Self-Talk More Positive

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

WHO came with up with the slogan, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? They must have been a tree.

Words hurt. In fact, sometimes words are more painful than sticks and stones. Words become more painful than sticks and stones when the hurtful words about us, come from us.

Sticks and stones will break your bones, but negative self-talk will destroy you. Below are the top 3 tools for better self-talk.

#1: Get rid of the "Have To," "Must" and "Should" Talk

Those things that "have to get done" are part of a sabotaging mind habit we created for ourselves.

The reality is, a lot of what we do does not "have to" get done, or, if it does, it doesn't "have to" happen right then and there.

Using words like "have," "must," "should" and "ought" are words that fill us with guilt and anxiety. Women despise feeling guilty, thus to avoid feelings of guilt, we satisfy the "haves" in our lives before we satisfy ourselves.

Women often do not deem themselves as a "have" or "must" in their own lives, thus everything else is worked on and fulfilled, except them.

Despite popular belief, laundry does not HAVE to get done on the weekends. Weekend is a compound word. Week-end. Your week has ended.

Use this time to walk away from the "should" and "haves" in your life, and do the things that you really would like to do in life - like all those things you "missed out on" or "wished you could do."

#2: Stop Telling Yourself Everything Has to be Perfect

Perfection is subjective. That is why you should never try to be perfect for anyone or anything. If you spend your life trying to be perfect for someone else, you may find you are never perfect, for you.

Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and life fulfillment, but you have directly set yourself up for failure.

Don't spend your life trying to be something that doesn't exist. By striving for perfection, your mind and body will go one of two ways:

1. Back down altogether. Your mind and body are smart. If you set a goal for something that is not attainable (such as trying to be perfect) why even try?

Your mind and body won't waste its time and energy trying to strive for something that is unachievable. So, the mind finds excuses and the body will support that.

2. You will attempt your goals with perfection in mind, and then fail (because perfection does not exist). This pattern of attempting and failing lowers our self-esteem and sometimes our desire to set goals at all.

Instead of perfectionism, work toward self-actualization. Self-actualization means to develop your full potential.

You are always in the mind-set of growing and developing yourself. It is through striving for self-actualization that you will find Life, Mind and Body fulfillment.

#3: Recognize Life is Not Only Black and White

I get it, you don't have time. Neither do I. But the reality is, we are both thinking in black and white right now. Working out doesn't mean 60 minutes or 0 - all or nothing.

Working out to a ten minute app on your phone in the middle of the kitchen is still some form of exercise. It counts.

We often get stuck on thinking and doing things the same way for so long, that we forget there are so many other ways to make decisions or succeed.

If you think you exhausted every possibility, you're wrong. When you think differently, you open more doors for opportunity, doors you can't even fathom right now because you just don't know they even exist.

Talk yourself out of the black and white, and into the shades of grey.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is the author of Type "Superwoman: Finding the LIFE in Work-Life Balance - A Self-Searching Book for Women".

She is the inspirational founder of the SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured in Glamour, Self and Prevention magazines as well as the show Daytime for her expertise in Work-Life Balance.

http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8629297