Creating a Remix: Spicing Up Life When Life Gets Boring

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

"The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it." - Unknown.

"It is often possible to get greater enjoyment from what we are already doing, rather than try to find something else." - L. Don Siebet.

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim.

YOU may have heard a couple of these quotes before. The reality is, many times we get tired of what we are currently doing in life and then we halt all operations to go find something new. 

When life gets boring... create a remix!

And halting doesn't always mean we halt the physical aspect, but it could mean we halt the mental aspect.

Meaning, we just shut down mentally and avoid, be mean or negative toward the current relationship or task. We cease using positive energy toward developing the old.

New means passion and excitement. That sounds very fulfilling and fun. But, don't new things get old at some point? Don't new things eventually get boring?

Think about a new hit on the radio that you love. You play it 100 times over on full blast and swear that you could never get sick of this one.

This song has a great beat and you can relate to every single word this singer is saying. But, after the 200th play, you find that you are quite sick of the song. How could that be?

You absolutely loved this one! Then, one day, as you are scanning the radio stations in traffic you hear that song.

Your beat just got a remix and it is mixed with an old song from "back in the day" when you were growing up!

This once boring song, with a little remix, was all you needed to be re-sparked before you found yourself singing at the top of your lungs in the car again.

Often, most everything that we want is right in front of us. It doesn't take an all-out manhunt of finding someone or something new to find happiness.

Happiness is often about rekindling the passion and spark with what you do have. So, go ahead, create that funky remix.

Here is an example of adding in a remix at work. In the workforce, you may find that you are sick of your job.

And while there are many reasons that it is a good idea to look for other work, there are also many reasons why you should or could stay and be happy doing it.

Try taking on a new project on a topic that interests you. Apply for an advancement or take on tasks that would align you with that advancement.

Get involved in work functions, and talk to more positive people at work.

Sometimes, relationships with partners get boring. We all go through a phase in life where we feel the spice is gone or the passion is drifting away.

Instead of putting in energy walking away from this person, use your energy to add excitement.

Talk together about the past and what added life to your relationship or look into each other's bucket lists and start knocking off some goals together. Listen to each other.

A great book on rekindling lost passion comes from Gary Chapman's, 'The Five Love Languages'.

Whatever it is in life that you have, before you walk away from it and expend your energy on finding something new, channel all that energy, positivity and time into what you currently have.

Being at a job for five years and choosing to put positive energy into it before leaving might yield passion, advancement and a greater sense of self-esteem and confidence.

These are the factors that lead to happiness.

Remember, if you're off to find something new, it will at one point get old, and you'll have to put just as much time and energy into that relationship, job or thing that you're being requested to do now.

Relationships can get boring, work can get boring, and songs on the radio can get boring. Instead of walking away from your favorite person, career or song, create a remix.

This week's goal: Find ways to add in a little mix to the areas within your life that you feel passion or excitement is slipping away from.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Motivational Speaker.

She is the author of 'The SuperWoman's Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step-by-Step Strategies to Create Work-Life Balance'.

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured internationally for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8960990

Are You the Victim or the Villain?

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

DO you ever hear yourself saying, "It's not my fault."? This is the Victim playing its part. Or, do you ever hear yourself saying, "It's all your fault."? This is the Villain in action.

The more responsibility you take over your actions - even the ones you are not proud of - the more control over your own life and outcomes you will have.

Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler (2002) talk about the Victim and Villain roles in their book, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.

Depending on what context you are in, you may play different roles.

For example, in your marriage you may play the Villain role where you are consistently assuming that your partner has bad motives for their actions.

For instance, if you promised to pick up something after work and forgot and you get home and your spouse asks you for XYZ, if your reaction is "You never understand how busy I am!

"You don't care about what I do and how stressed out I am! You are so inconsiderate and not helpful," you have used the Villain role.

The reality is, you promised to pick up XYZ after work. I understand that you are stressed but you made a commitment.

If you didn't come through, fine, but you can't turn someone else into the problem because you didn't commit as promised.

Instead, acknowledge that you forgot, were wrong, etc., and then step back and assess how you can approach the fact that you need more support.

Also, as you step back instead of lashing out, take this time to assess your priorities and life roles.

Maybe there are areas that you need to cut back in life because of the choices you made, the boundaries you did not set, or the times you said "yes" to tasks that you know you shouldn't have taken on.

This may have nothing to do with your spouse. Take control of your life by avoiding using the Villain role.

Perhaps outside of the home you are the Victim.

According to Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler (2002), when you play the Victim role you are exaggerating your own innocence.

For example, in the workplace you come to find out that you were again passed up for a promotion.

You have been at this place of employment for three years and you feel you deserve it over Adam who just received a promotion after being with the company for only nine months.

However, in this deceiving Victim role you play so well, as you tell other people about your "tragedy," you leave out details that might discredit your Victim role.

For example, the fact that you are late at least two times per week, you dropped the ball on a major project that your boss gave you last month, and you are the office drama and gossip...

... not to mention that you use every sick day you have as soon as you earn it. It is obvious why you did not get the promotion.

But instead, you tell everyone only facts that support and highlight why you should have received the promotion and "forget" to tell everything else.

Instead of putting yourself in a helpless Victim role, take this time to complete an honest self-reflection and start looking at yourself through a different lens.

What can you improve on? What strengths do you have? How can you take responsibility and control over your life to start aligning more in a direction of fulfillment and better outcomes?

Take control of your life by avoiding using the Victim role.

The problem with the Victim and Villain roles is that you are taking personal control away from your life and passing it to someone else.

At the same time, you are also ruining relationships with spouses, family co-workers and bosses.

Instead of retreating from a situation to think about how you should approach a mistake you or someone else made, you are reacting first.

This shows lack of self-control as you are letting strong emotions control you. Remember the order of action when you are upset is to first Retreat, then Rethink and always last, React.

So, which are you, the Victim or the Villain? When are you the Victim? When are you the Villain?

This week take time to reflect on which roles you play most often and when. How can you take control back and kick both the Victim and the Villain to the curb?

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is the author of Type "Superwoman: Finding the LIFE in Work-Life Balance - A Self-Searching Book for Women". She is the inspirational founder of the SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured in Forbes, The Chicago Tribune, Glamour, Self and Prevention magazines as well as the show Daytime for her expertise in Work-Life Balance.

For more information, visit http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8783681

Past, Present or Future: Where Should I Focus My Attention?

By Dr Jaime Kulaga

Past

SHOULD you really focus on the past? Hasn't the thought always been to look forward and not at all the negativity behind you?

The past is where pain, grudges and anger dwell. However, the past also holds successes and failures, both of which constitute as learning lessons for the present.

Past, present or future: where do you spend your time?

If you were just handed a project at work, and are not sure how to tackle it, look at the past. Reflect on times when you succeeded or failed on projects, and figure out why.

Play off your strengths and avoid barriers that you might have encountered in the past to help you in the now.

The goal here is to use the past as a tool for helping you be more productive and successful in the present and future.

In your personal life, if you are dating, look at past partners and some of the red flags that may have caused a relationship to go sour.

While selecting partners in the present, be sure to avoid those red flags to help make the new relationship more beneficial.

Future

Focusing on the future is a good thing. When you have a vision, you have a strong outlook on life for both the future and the present.

A vision will motivate you and your family or business forward. I agree, you should plan for the fact that you might be here tomorrow, next month, next year, and hopefully decades to come.

But, thinking too much about the future can also lead to burnout. When you focus too much in the future, you forget to celebrate your achievements today.

You might begin to notice that you are skipping out on opportunities with friends and family in the present. Life is a lot of work, but it is also a lot of enjoyment.

By living primarily in the future, you will find that you are always working and not living. Be sure to watch your children grow, feel your partner's touch and enjoy the warm heat on your skin.

Although you should plan for tomorrow, you can't forget that you are here today. What you do in the present impacts the years ahead. Yesterday, you planned for today, so enjoy it.

Present

Focusing on the here and now comes from your ability to balance work and life and also to stop and center to give your attention to the moment.

Whether you are on a date with your partner, watching a movie with your child, or at the office working, make sure that you are actually there - at that moment.

The more focus you give to your tasks at hand the quicker they will be done or the more you will enjoy them. If you are working on a project at work, work on it. Don't work on social media or check emails.

Rather, give your attention to the project at hand so that you complete it right the first time, and so that you complete it more quickly than if you were distracted 20 times over.

If you are with your partner at dinner, be with your partner at dinner.

This is not the time to create a list of "to-do's" for the week, argue about what they did wrong, or check your phone over and over again.

It doesn't matter if you have nothing to talk about, sit in silence before you give your attention to something else making your partner take second place.

Rule of Thumb

Continuously observe what is going on in the now (present) to see if you can find an opportunity to grow (future).

Once you have highlighted the opportunity for growth look at previous successes and failures (past) to help you begin to move forward.

This way of thinking helps you to be mindful of the present and what possibilities and opportunities surround you each minute of the day.

But it also keeps you learning from the past while simultaneously moving forward.

Today, enjoy your past, present and future.

Dr. Jaime Kulaga is the author of Type "Superwoman: Finding the LIFE in Work-Life Balance - A Self-Searching Book for Women".

She is the inspirational founder of the nationally known SuperWoman Workshops.

Dr. Kulaga has been featured in Forbes, Glamour, Self and Prevention magazines as well as the national show Daytime for her expertise in Work-Life Balance. http://www.mindfulrehab.com

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/8664917