By Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD
That question might seem off the wall, because doesn't everyone trust him/her Self? Is it not a given everyone trusts him/her Self? Do you or someone you know have issues with trusting people?
At some time in your life you have probably said, "I can't trust___(fill in the blank). However, did you know that it is not typically 'them' that you can not trust? It is your Self!! Wow! That is a huge statement.
Your body and the world around you will give you all the signals you need to navigate through life. Physical pain, dysfunctional relationships, career issues, addictions, etc. are all symptoms to ring the bell that something is not working.
Your sensory nerves tell you when the flame is hot. Your mind interprets that signal and tells the hand to move further away. Simple enough – right? But when it relates to the many aspects in navigating your life, you make mistakes in the interpretation or fail to act even though you know the truth of the matter.
The majority of people fail to allow the signal to register. Intuition is ignored in favor of the indoctrinations and conditioned beliefs that have been accepted as iron clad truths. Thus, rocky relationships continue in spite of many red flag warnings, primarily to protect the ego – because no one wants to acknowledge a mistake. However, there are no mistakes in the universal law of life.
Every person who comes to my office with relationship trust issues admits – once we have done the work – that she/he had all the information that was needed within the first hour, date or a maximum of three dates to determine that the relationship would be on rocky ground.
Yet she/he chose to ignore his/her intuitive knowing because she/he was lonely, needy or worst of all needed a way to continue self-sabotaging behavior. She/he thought this person would be the exception, or another excuse to continue a pattern of dysfunctional choices.
We have all done the same thing or something similar, in our quest for emotional and spiritual evolvement. Some people then, blame the other person(s) without taking any responsibility. They might blame God, life or whoever else can be blamed as long as one can avoid taking responsibility.
So what do you do about it?
The first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your choices – good, bad or neutral. As soon as you take responsibility for your choices – no matter what – you have empowered your Self to make better choices next.
Secondly, you need to know who you are as best as you can. You need to recognize your weaknesses, your shadow. You need to accept what is really motivating you at every moment, especially when it is with regard to people and close relationships.
Your weaknesses that might hinder your intuition will include loneliness, financial issues, insecurity, or low self-esteem. Your need to compensate for your weaknesses will prompt you to overlook the signals; from the other person, who may not have your best interests at heart. Remember, the other person is operating from the desire to fulfill his/her needs and compensate for weaknesses.
Consider this experiment. Think about a relationship that went sour. Start from the first moment you met him/her. Did you allow your Self to 'read' the signals? At what point in the relationship did she/he give you all the information you needed to know that the relationship was on rocky ground?
The signals include the way she/he speaks about previous relationships, the way she/he treats service personnel in a restaurant, the way she/he speaks to you or treats you, or sometimes she/he has a distinctly different philosophy about life than yours.
Next time; you notice any signals – that something might not be all that you hoped it would be – take a breath, step back, and take your time with the relationship. Listen to your intuition. Pay close attention to what you are learning about the other person and to your feelings regarding it.
The most important part is this: act accordingly. No denial or ignoring these signals. Consider them a gift that you can use to prevent your Self from being in the wrong relationship, friendship or business relationship. If you receive negative signals, you need to overcome your neediness and weaknesses to do what is truly right for you.
Because in the end, it not about trusting him/her – it is you trusting your Self to do exactly what you need for you. It is all about trusting your Self. Because if you trust your Self, then everyone you choose will meet your needs of trust, integrity and respect that is required for a healthy relationship.
At some time in your life you have probably said, "I can't trust___(fill in the blank). However, did you know that it is not typically 'them' that you can not trust? It is your Self!! Wow! That is a huge statement.
Your body and the world around you will give you all the signals you need to navigate through life. Physical pain, dysfunctional relationships, career issues, addictions, etc. are all symptoms to ring the bell that something is not working.
The majority of people fail to allow the signal to register. Intuition is ignored in favor of the indoctrinations and conditioned beliefs that have been accepted as iron clad truths. Thus, rocky relationships continue in spite of many red flag warnings, primarily to protect the ego – because no one wants to acknowledge a mistake. However, there are no mistakes in the universal law of life.
Every person who comes to my office with relationship trust issues admits – once we have done the work – that she/he had all the information that was needed within the first hour, date or a maximum of three dates to determine that the relationship would be on rocky ground.
Yet she/he chose to ignore his/her intuitive knowing because she/he was lonely, needy or worst of all needed a way to continue self-sabotaging behavior. She/he thought this person would be the exception, or another excuse to continue a pattern of dysfunctional choices.
We have all done the same thing or something similar, in our quest for emotional and spiritual evolvement. Some people then, blame the other person(s) without taking any responsibility. They might blame God, life or whoever else can be blamed as long as one can avoid taking responsibility.
So what do you do about it?
The first thing you need to do is take responsibility for your choices – good, bad or neutral. As soon as you take responsibility for your choices – no matter what – you have empowered your Self to make better choices next.
Secondly, you need to know who you are as best as you can. You need to recognize your weaknesses, your shadow. You need to accept what is really motivating you at every moment, especially when it is with regard to people and close relationships.
Your weaknesses that might hinder your intuition will include loneliness, financial issues, insecurity, or low self-esteem. Your need to compensate for your weaknesses will prompt you to overlook the signals; from the other person, who may not have your best interests at heart. Remember, the other person is operating from the desire to fulfill his/her needs and compensate for weaknesses.
Consider this experiment. Think about a relationship that went sour. Start from the first moment you met him/her. Did you allow your Self to 'read' the signals? At what point in the relationship did she/he give you all the information you needed to know that the relationship was on rocky ground?
The signals include the way she/he speaks about previous relationships, the way she/he treats service personnel in a restaurant, the way she/he speaks to you or treats you, or sometimes she/he has a distinctly different philosophy about life than yours.
Next time; you notice any signals – that something might not be all that you hoped it would be – take a breath, step back, and take your time with the relationship. Listen to your intuition. Pay close attention to what you are learning about the other person and to your feelings regarding it.
The most important part is this: act accordingly. No denial or ignoring these signals. Consider them a gift that you can use to prevent your Self from being in the wrong relationship, friendship or business relationship. If you receive negative signals, you need to overcome your neediness and weaknesses to do what is truly right for you.
Because in the end, it not about trusting him/her – it is you trusting your Self to do exactly what you need for you. It is all about trusting your Self. Because if you trust your Self, then everyone you choose will meet your needs of trust, integrity and respect that is required for a healthy relationship.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, metaphysician – certified hypnosis practitioner, author and speaker. Dr. Dorothy facilitates clearing blocks, fears and limiting beliefs. You can live the life you desire. She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one's thoughts and feelings. http://www.drdorothy.net
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